The 2000 election was a key point in American history, but not for any of the reasons usually cited; it was key because Al Gore graciously introduced the electoral system to the nation’s slavering horde of lawyers, and now nothing will ever be easy again.

Fox called the election for Bush, and then Drudge called the election for Bush, then NBC called the election for Bush - though actually I beat them all to the punch. But then John Edwards paraded out on stage, still grinning like a lobotomy patient, and declared that they weren’t conceding. So NBC basically retracted their prior sensible declaration, and Brokaw - repeating Edwards’ feeble protestations - mused on camera that if he waited four years he can wait a few days.

What I find amazing is that Brokaw didn’t even try to make it sound like that wasn’t his personal position; I guess the hours are getting to him.

So now, once again, a democratic presidential candidate - a wooden, humorless man with no real track record and no appeal to anyone save for his party affiliation - loses to the better man. And once again, that democrat refuses to give in to reality or sanity, and holds out for some absurd deus ex machina. And once again, George W. Bush is clearly and legally elected as the President of the United States, while his opponent splashes mud on his legitamacy and thus ushers in four more years of baseless allegations of a stolen election or silent coup.

Thank you, Al Gore. Thank you, John Kerry. Thank you, Tom Brokaw and Dan Rather.

…

Oh wait, did I say thank?! I meant fuck.